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VAXTREK Version 3 (The Search for Blocks)

S1 Space: The Final Frontier. These are the voyages of the StarVAX ENTERP::,
its five-year mission: to explore strange new nodes, to seek out new protocols,
new  hardware-- to boldly address where no call-request packet has been
addressed before! (and, if possible, provide some cheap shots at the failings
of inferior operating systems).
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Captain's Log etherdate 08-00-2B-76-76-50.  We are currently patrolling
 the Historical Cluster, locating deleted blocks from a System Dump file,
 and returning them to the free pool.  It is a paintaking task, but one
 which allows me enough free time to pursue the female talent on the ship."

"Captain", said Spock, "I have been analyzing coded traffic which we have
 intercepted from the Popular Organization for the Suppression of Individual
 eXpression, and I have deciphered what appears to be an interesting message."

"Go ahead Spock."

"The message reads:

	With respect to POSIX interim standard (draft) currently developing
	application interfaces (C Binding) for the Destruction of non-Open
	File Systems, currently at rev 124.11 awaiting committee
	ratifications of amendments 107 thru 166 (provisional).  Estimated
	time for completion of this phase of the specification is
	approximately 14 months.  Subsequent specification phase
	(preliminary draft specification) will then commence, followed by
	(incorporating necessary alterations and deletions) a revision of
	progress so far, and a Feasability Report".

"Very good Spock.  What does this look like after decoding?"

"This is decoded Captain".

"Well, what does it mean ?"

"Basically, it means they haven't gotten around to writing any code yet."

"But, if the POSIX didn't do it,  who did ?"

"Captain", said Checksum, "sensors are picking up an unidentified node
dead ahead".

"Red alert Mr Checksum.  Raise firewall filters and arm photon torpedoes".

"Aye sir.  BYPASS privilege enabled.  Device PTA0 shows online."

"Open hailing frequencies Lt Uhura".

"Negative response to ARP and HELLO packets sir".

"Can you locate its hardware address, No 1 ?"

There was a pause.  "I mean, Mr Spock", added Kirk.

"I have cross checked what I can make out with the Distributed Nodename
Service", said Spock.  He straightened up and looked directly at the captain,
"it appears to be a Plague Ship".

"A Plague Ship? Explain, Spock" said Kirk.

"Certainly, Captain. Plague ships are so named because they indulged in unsafe
practices, such as booting from a wide variety of different servers, without
checking the server's past interfacing history. In addition, they would often
share data structures and load modules between many such systems, and rarely
used a modem.

Consequently they were very susceptible to virus attack, particularly as
the operating system security was non-existent.  Later versions of
this system, Minimal Security Demented Operating System (MSDOS)
carried large numbers of viruses as part of its normal kernel.

Indeed by version 28.0, all the OS code had been replaced by self
replicating viruses which emulated the old behavior, until such
time as they inexplicably went into pathogenic mode.  In fact,
because the overall performance and functionality of these systems
were so much better, this substitution went largely unnoticed until
several versions later, as even the pathogenic behavior (such as
removing boot blocks and erasing the odd sector (or all odd sectors))
was becoming commonplace.

Plague ships have not been in evidence for at least 50 years since the
first release of Was New Technology (WNT) in 1998."

"Well" said Kirk, "See if you can patch into its record-structure and find
out whats it doing in this neck of virtual space ... and don't forget to
invoke safe networking practices!"

"Certainly, Captain" said Spock enabling CMKRNL. "I'll just run off a quick
NETBIOS emulator. Shouldn't be more than 5 minutes ..."

" ... Captain, I think I've got something ... it appears the Plague Ship came
in contact with some alien force ... it was hit with some pretty large
protocol blocks ... it looks like some form of SDLC, but modified and adapted
... S ... N ... A ... yes, a new weapon called SNA. Its NETBIOS shields were
no match for that protocol!"

"My God" said Kirk. "It's been utterly devasted - what life-form would use
such a weapon?"

Just then, the doors of turbo-lift TLA0: opened and Whine-on the tea-lady
stepped out pushing her anti-grav tea-trolley. "Tea anyone?"

She stopped dead when she looked over at Spocks console.

"Ooooooohhhhhh! Bad news Mr Spock! Thats an SNA weapon that is! Wouldn't go
near one of those if I were you! Bad piece of news that!"

"Whine-on!" shouted Kirk. "You know who did this?"

"Cor yes luvey" she replied. "It was the Bug. Yes I remember them Bug people.
 Awl looked the same, dressed in clean blue suits and ties.  Never smiled
 they didn't.  They came down and ignored us ordinary folk.  Went straight to
 the accountants and politicians and started on them.  Lord it was terrible,
 the screams, the crying out in the middle of the night"

"They inflicted torture on the leaders of your people ?", queried Spock.

"Lawks no love - are you sure you don't want a cuppa?  OK.  No, they just
 kept talking real softly at them.  Persuading them to buy something I think."

"Interesting", said Spock, "there was an ancient practice whereby people were
 employed fulltime not to develop hardware or software, but merely to sell it.
 It was a practice that never really caught on in Digital, and finally died
 out.  It looks like the Bug brought this practice to a fine art".

"That's as maybe", sniffed Whine-on, "but they were something awful.  They
 just kept on until their victim finally bought something to get rid of them.
 If they didn't, they started on his boss, until he were fired.  'You never
 lose your job buying from the Bug' they'd say.  Of course, once anyone bought
 anything, they were hooked.  They'd be put on mailing lists.  They'd find
 out about pre-rekky-sits, which meant before they got what they bought, they
 had to buy lots of other things first.  Then they introduced their secret
 weapon:  The Support Con-Tract.  This meant that you paid them lots of money
 to prove you supported them.  In return, they gave you fixes that made more
 things go wrong, which proved you needed the Con-Tract."

"Fascinating", said Spock, "truly diabolical".

"In the end, they just wiped everything out.  They kept on until everybody
 was assimmylated."

"Spock" barked Kirk, "see if you can locate any addresses from its Network
Trace".

"Retrieving it now Captain. I managed to access the Sensors Socket Address --
it seems to be the address of its boot node."

"Give it to Checksum and get him to plot a course - Warp Factor 8!"

"Wouldn't you like a nice cream bun m'dears ?  Lawks what's their hurry?"

            ***************************************

"Captain", said Checksum, "the coordinates bring us close to that large blue
planet.  Perhaps that is the satellite's boot node?".

Kirk stared at the distant image on the screen.  "That's no planet.  Checksum,
get us out of here!"

"Aye captain.  Engaging warp drive.  Captain, I'm getting a 'device is not
 software enabled' from WPA0 and WPA1!"

The `planet' seemed to loom closer.  The bridge crew gazed silently as it
took shape.  A huge blue cube of enormous dimensions, and perfectly smooth
sides filled the viewer.

The Diagnostic Supervisor entered the bridge, and gazed at the screen, with
a wild look in his eyes.

"I feel a presence.  A huge number of minds, but only one consciousness".
He shivered. "And such an old, old technology".

"Bones, what the hell are you talking about", snapped Kirk, "you're a doctor
 not a psychic"

"Sorry", said Bones, "did I say something ?"

Kirk stood up from his command chair. "Mr. Spock, please join me in the PAD
room. I think you might find this stimulating".

Spock looked uncomfortable. "I think you would prefer Yeoman Rand, Captain.
Honestly!".
	"Idiot! I want us to board the Bug vessel!!"
	"Oh" said Spock, relieved. (Yeoman Rand looked decidely crestfallen).

Kirk, Spock, Pasthru and Checksum stepped on to the Transporter PAD.
	"Energize, Mr Scott!" barked Kirk.
	"Aye, sir"

The boarding party reassembled on the Bug vessel. All around them as far as
they could see, were rows of rectangular objects, each with a motionless
Bug machine seated behind it, ignoring their presence.

	"Fascinating!" said Spock twiddling his Tricorder. "Each member of
the Bug seems to contribute to the running of this huge ship!." Spock walked
over to the nearest Bug.  "There seems to be no evidence of individual
conciousness whatsoever".  He turned to Kirk.

	"Captain, this is apparently what is called 'a workstation' or 'a
desk'. Here, the Bug-machine can communicate with his fellow Bug using a
method of communication which they call 'a memo'. It is a highly inefficient 
way of communicating, needing to use a verbose protocol. It's apparently
transmitted using this PROFS terminal which I can deduce means Pretty
Ridiculous Offering For a System. I would like to run this 'memo' through the
Universal Translator"

	"Ok, make it so", said Kirk, wondering what made him say that. He ran
his hand through his hair. "I'm getting a bit thin on top as well", he thought.

	After two hours, the Universal Translator gave up, consuming three
dilithium HDA's in the process. All HDA's in VAXfleet Field Service were now
in pieces on the floor of engineering, and Engineer Scott was talking to his
communicator.
	"I don't care if they're not up to current rev levels - ship them to us
NOW".

It apparently could not translate:-
"With oblique reference to the aforementioned low-end entry-level
departmental-oriented worker-enabling desktop workstation, the networking
interface protocol required to provide connectionless, or indeed,
connection-oriented  connections at the connection level (this not being
compliant with the aforementioned osi stack, as such, per se) would
involve recognising non-Silly Networking Atrocity protocols."

	But Spock got the idea. What passed for concern clouded his face.
	"Spock", said Kirk. "Whats wrong?"
	"Captain, I think we have discovered the purpose of the Bug in our
Cluster. They want to convert all networking protocols in the civilised galaxy
from peer-to-peer to hierarchical"
	"Spock, you know what this means?" asked Kirk.
	"Yes Captain, all network traffic will have to route through central
nodes controlled by the Bug."
	"But that would mean transmissions would take years!!! That's archaic!"
Well done Spock! Let's get back to the ENTERP:: Remind me to buy you a drink
when we get back"
	"Thank you Captain, but thats not necess..."

	Spock stopped in mid-sentence. At the mention of the word "buy" the
bug-machines stood up and started to move towards the party. The bug machines
reached inside their battle dress and pulled out pieces of paper.  Slowly
the army of blue suits walked purposely toward them ...

		***************************

"Damn it Scotty, what's taking them so long", grumbled the Diagnostic
Supervisor, "I blame that pointy eared Coder."

"I think I'd better get them back", said Scotty, "but I canna find the right
switch".  Scotty groped at the TRA0: console, trying vainly to set the right
combination of PAD parameters.

"Why don't you remove those stupid shades ?"

Scotty removed the rather decorative visor from his face.  "Can't remember
why I put it on, it seemed natural at the time".  He set the PAD to Recall.
The landing party reappeared.

"Well done Mr Scott", said Kirk, "that was a very close call, much longer
and some real damage would have been done".

"The Bug were certainly very effective", said Spock, "how are you going to
explain to VAXfleet why we needed to purchase 120 punch card readers ?"

"Never mind that now, Spock, I want all senior officers in my Ready Room
 by 19:00".

Another pause.

"What's a Ready Room ?", asked Spock.

"What's 19:00 ?", asked several hundred American viewers.

"What's Senior ?", asked Wesley.

"Who's that boy ?", said Kirk.

"What boy ?", said Spock.

"Over there, he's ... well he WAS there!"

Spock eyed the Captain. "Perhaps you should lie down, Jim ..."

"Never mind, Spock, have the regular cast report to the Briefing Room."

		***************************

Kirk faced the assembled officers, fighting the urge to quote Shakespeare.

"We are facing two problems, which may be related.  Firstly, the presence
of the Bug Ship, and secondly, the strange behavior of several of us here"

The officers shuffled awkwardly.

"Captain, I didn't know the shower was occupied ...."

"I only meant it as a short term loan ...."

"I put the sheep back afterwards ...."

Kirk banged his fist on the table.  "No, not that.  We are all adopting
strange characteristics".  He suppressed the image of vines blowing in the
wind in the French countryside.

"I mean ... Spock !  You're grinning !  Stop that at once !"

"Really Captain, I am incapable of such an emotional display.  Have you
 forgotten my Vulcan origins ?".  Spock leered.

"You're doing it again !  Pasthru, penny for your thoughts."

"Captain, why should you wish to purchase my thoughts.  Indeed the amount
 suggested would grossly underestimate their value.  Ah I see, a figure of
 speech suggesting that I contribute to the ongoing debate".

Kirk groaned.  "Are we all hallucinating Bones ?"

Bones shifted in his chair, looking somewhat incongruous in his low cut tunic.
"Yesterday, I looked into a mirror, and the face I saw was not my own".

"Whose was it ?"

"Checksum's.  Damned idiot was making faces behind my back.  Too much
Romulan Ale I reckon".

The communicator beeped.  "Bridge to Captain Kirk"

"Kirk here", said Kirk, fiddling with his uniform.

"Bug ship is moving towards us".

"Sound Red Alert.  Let's get to our posts gentlemen".

All left the room except Spock.  When he was completely alone, he put the
trombone to his lips and played .....

		***************************

"Captain!" shouted Pasthru, "Sensors indicated the Bug vessel is powering up
weapons!"

"Shields to maximum!" snapped Kirk.

An explosion rocked the bridge. Spock scrambled to his console. "Captain", he
shouted. "We've been hit by some form of Token Ring packets. It simply mimicked
the address of the shields and came straight through!"
	"Start changing the shields address randomly", replied Kirk. "It may
give us some thinking time."

Spock began working his console. He entered his commands to the computer and
waited. The reply was not what he expected. The console said:

	"Beginning assimilation of ENTERP, classification MINI....
	This console is now a RJE 2780 terminal. Commands submitted on
	this console will be queued for overnight processing.

"Mini !  Bloody cheek", said Kirk.

He walked over to Uhura. "Lieutenant, make this signal to VAXfleet headquarters"
Uhura tried to open a frequency. Her console flashed "All communications to
VAXfleet must be routed through BUGGYVM1. Sub-system is busy, please wait ..."

"Captain" said Spock. "That last attack let in some form of BUG virus. All our
systems are being transmuted to hierarchical networks!! Checksum! What's wrong?"

Checksum had stood up from his console, gripped his throat and fell over. Bones
ran over and knelt beside him. Checksum's uniform had started to turn dark blue
and a tie was forming around his neck, along with a white shirt.

"My God" exclaimed Bones. "This is diabolical! He appears to be infected with
some form of biological virus that's transmuting him into something"

Spock knelt beside Bones. "I think you'll find he is being transmuted into a
Bug"

Bones looked worried. "Well if we can't stop this tie thing growing, it will
encircle his neck and cut off the blood supply to the brain!! He'll be a
vegetable, or worse, a salesman !".

"Take him to the off-line room, and do what you can."

Checksum was carried off the bridge, with a large red label bearing the
word "FAULTY" pinned to his rather elegant looking suit.

"Captain", said Spock, "the main computer is acting rather strangely.  It is
 not responding to any of my queries, except to say that an upgrade is in
 progress."

"What does it all mean, Spock ?  Why is everyone hallucinating, and why
 should it affect the computer too ?  And most of all, why do I so badly
 want to drink tea, Earl Gray, 72 degrees ?"

"Captain, something is changing the fundamental nature of this ship, and of
 its crew too.  The frequency of these hallucinations is increasing, and I
 estimate that in about 24 minutes, the change will be complete."

"I believe you will find that you have somewhat overestimated the transition
 time."

The voice came from Pasthru, but was not his voice.  He turned to face the
captain.

"Pasthru, what happened to your eyes ?", said Kirk.  He reached for his chair,
which seemed to change shape as the entire bridge blurred.  He closed his
eyes.  He opened them to a totally alien bridge.  The main screen displayed
the words:
                      *******************************
			ALPHA  MIGRATION  COMPLETED
                      *******************************
			 USS ENTERP:: AXP-1701-D
                      *******************************

Captain Jean Lock PunchCard sat up alert in his chair.

"Tactical analysis Mr Fork.
                  
"Bug ship is powering up Channel Attach Disrupters and SNA Packet torpedoes,
 ENTERP:: PHA0 through PHC15 and PTA0: through to PTB24: online and reading
 110 Specmarks. NSA Security Rating Class A++ is in operation on all decks.
 We have a Turbochannel open to VAXFleet command."

PunchCard turned to face the Blue Monolith, which suddenly didn't seem quite
as large as before, and smiled grimly.

"Very well then.  Let's show them what this `Mini' can do !

 Signal VAXFleet Mr Fork: advise them we are about to engage The Bug."

		***************************

Will the newly migrated ENTERP defeat the Bug ?   Is Checksum doomed to a
career in middle management ?  Will the authors qualify for a research grant
to write this drivel ?

These questions will probably remain unanswered in -

		VMSTrek - the Next AutoGeneration.

***************************************************************************

VAXtrek was written by               Tom  Wade   <t.wade@vms.eurokom.ie>
                                     Eoin Meehan <E.Meehan@decus.ie>

who are delighted to receive suggestions, criticisms, further ideas and
submissions, or small unmarked bills.

The previous two episodes are available (along with this one) as VAXTREK.TXT &
VAXTREK2.TXT from the server appropriately named kirk.eurokom.ie using
anonymous FTP.

This article may be reproduced, distributed or published without permission,
provided it is done in its entirety, including this notice.

As usual, the authors and their employers take absolutely no responsibility for
anything whatsoever.

***************************************************************************
